Fantasy

The Goodwin's are jonesing for a vacation.  I mean, we are hurting bad for the chance to get away somewhere warm, with no worries, no stress, lots of seafood and sun, and zero plans other than to relax once there.

Of course, those plans are somewhat hindered by the fact that we owe $3000 to the federal government this year.

And that we are in the process of putting on a $1100 laptop onto my credit card.

And my dentist is charging me an ungodly amount to fix the blinding pain in my mouth caused by chewing.

I wouldn't be surprised if Expedia or Groupon take a restraining order out on me soon, I check their sites so frequently for a deal we can't pass up (see: a 5 day tropical vacation including flights and food for less than $100 total.  Keep dreaming, Goodwin.)

So while we may have never needed a vacation as badly as we do right now, we are instead paying off our sudden debt and fantasizing instead.

Fantasizing about sleeping in.

About warm weather.

Cocktails.

Sand and surf.

Books on the beach.

Copious amounts of seafood.

Getting a tan.

No work.

No stress.

No snow.

Who wants to join us on Goodwin Fantasy Island?

Mama Said There'd Be Days Like This

I have been struggling with writing this post.  I want to get my thoughts out there, but not only are they personal and raw, the topic is kind of a downer.  With a lot of back and forth I have decided to post a bit about it.

It has been a rough winter at Goodwin Ranch.  Without getting too much into it, my general thoughts can be summed up as follows.

She is skinnier than me.  She runs faster than I do.  They make more money than us.  How could they afford to buy or build such a nice house?  How come they are buying and we are still renting?  She is prettier than me.  Their marriage is better than ours.  They vacation more than us.  They go on better vacations than us.  Why doesn't my husband cook or clean for me like hers does?  They live in a cheaper place than us.  Their cars are nicer than ours.  She dresses better than me.  Her skin is better than mine.  She is happier than me.

See a common theme?

I constantly compare myself to others.

The comparing is not the root of my unhappiness.  However, it does nothing to improve my well being, and instead does the opposite.

I am already thinking about the negative in my life, why should I make myself feel worse by comparing myself to anyone else?  This is a recipe for disaster.  I have no idea what anyone else's circumstances are to make them appear so perfect to me from the outside.  I need to learn to focus on what I do have and be thankful and grateful for what I already love and enjoy about my life and then I can overcome my negativity about everything else.

I need to remember that I live in a house.  It may be far away and we may be renting, but it is cute, and it has a roof and four walls and floors and heat and light.  That is so much more than other women my age have.

I may not run fast, it may be hard, I will never win a race or be as fast as my peers.  But I am doing far more than I have ever done before, and I am lapping everyone still sitting on the couch.

And on that note, I am struggling with my weight.  But unlike so many others who are struggling to get food to eat, I am beyond fortunate that I have to struggle with not tempting myself to eat seconds or dessert.

While things may be challenging in my marriage, at least I have a marriage.  I am not a single mom or going through a separation or divorce like other are.  It breaks my heart for them.

We have our health.  And our friends and family do to.  I am beyond blessed and happy that those who I love are not battling ailments or health issues.  Too many others are constantly driving to the hospital, paying medical bills, or saying goodbye to loved ones lost too soon.  

And while money is tight right now and we may not be able to take a vacation for awhile, we at least know this is temporary.  We take for granted that others our age have never gone on vacation.  Have never had to worry about paying their credit card bills, or fixing a broken computer because they have never had the resources to even go on vacation, have a credit card, or buy a computer in the first place.

I am having a hard time right now, but when I focus on the positivity in my life and stop comparing myself to others it makes things much easier.

Thanks for listening,

Granny

I love elastic waist bands

I was kind of killing it on double dub for the month of January.  No booze.  No sweets.  No snacking.  No second helpings.  I wasn't seeing a difference in my pants yet, but the number on the scale was dropping a bit.

Then February happened.  

I discovered how to make homemade peanut butter cups.

BOOM.

Valentine's Day sweets/steaks.

BOOM.

Slowly introducing booze back.

BOOM.

And a weekend out of town filled with pudding shots, bacon wrapped foods, and various dips.

BOOM.

Needless to say, my fat pants are feeling a little tight today.

Fortunately for my waistline, I am back on track as of today (really as of yesterday, but I did have one leftover valentine's day cookie...)  Which is great because as I am sitting here sipping my tea I am starting to lose feeling in my legs because the waist if my jeans is digging in to my stomach.

Signed,

Your fatty Grandma

Have a Heart

Happy excuse-to-eat-steak-and-butter-and-sweets-and-drink-champagne-during-the-work-week day!

Oh, are the Goodwins the only couple that do that?

Happy happy, love love,

Granny

General thoughts on Mondays

Even though I am sick in bed right now and not likely getting dressed at all, I still feel ill will towards Mondays. 

Suck it, Mondays.

And suck it anything-but-yoga pants.

Love,

Granny

Resolutions Revisited

Hard to believe January is about over.

February is tomorrow.  Yeesh.

I posted a vague post  about my resolutions earlier this month, when the year ahead was filled with wonder and excitement and hope.  I still feel like 2013 will be a great and exciting year full of big and positive changes but I have decided to tweak and share my resolutions a bit now.

My first resolution was to lose weight (womp womp.  Really exciting) and be healthier.  Part of that resolution was to cut out booze for the month of January.  For the most part, I did that.  I went out once (once!!) in Texas and had a couple of cocktails, but other than that it was H20 for me.

And you know what? 

It felt pretty good.  It was hard at first to be surrounded by friends, colleagues, people in general sipping cocktails and beers and wine while I had plain old water.  But now I have decided to carry this "no drinking" thing into February, with a minor change--I will have a drink here or there, but not just because it is a Friday night or because I had a long day or because we are out to dinner.  I will have a drink if it is well deserved, if we are going on a pub tour, if we are celebrating something.  Furthermore, since I feel so clean and clear without having any booze this month, I thought I would cut out processed dairy, like crap yogurt and cheese.  *This I GUARANTEE you will only last a month, but I am excited to try it.  I really want to jump start some healthy changes (and see the number on the scale drop) and I think eating more "whole" foods and eating cleaner will help.

Another resolution I had was to make 2013 the year I ran a marathon.

I was too scared to say it to too many people.  "What if I tried and failed?"  "What if I told a million people and then backed down?"  "What if I ran it and it took me 6 hours?!"

After a lot of back and forth, I decided not to run a marathon this year, and I finally feel like a strong and competent woman.  I wanted to run the marathon to prove to myself and to others that I could do this.  

Turns out, maybe that is not such a good reason (for me) to run a marathon.

Every half I run I tell myself I am never doing this again.  Running does not come naturally.  It is hard. It is often a struggle.  I am not athletic.

I need to remember that just two years ago I could not run 1 mile without stopping.  Two years ago the thought of running more than a 5K was crazy.  

I can now run.  I am a runner.  I signed up for a half marathon on a whim (eek) and have 6 weeks to get ready.  I am confident in my running now.  I will never be fast or athletic or a marathoner most likely, but I am a half marathoner, and I am proud of that accomplishment.

And right now that is good enough for me.

As for my other two resolutions, those remain personal for now.  But I am sure as we get more comfortable with the idea of them I will begin sharing more.

Happy almost-February :)

Last thoughts before I head out

And boy are they deep thoughts.

Enjoy the rest of your work week.  Stay warm.  Live long and prosper.

I'm out like the one strapped overall.

Granny