Thursday, October 24, 2013

Running and Poultry

As a runner (ha, 10 miles a week for the last few months, can I still call myself a runner??) in rural New England, I expect to see some wildlife and animals while out on my run.

Countless squirrels and birds, hundreds of dogs and kitties, equal amounts of horses and cows, as well as the occasional deer or so.

I run in general on back roads with minimal traffic, but enough that rarely am I scared of seeing some sort of animal that will cause me harm--though when dogs start barking and lunging at me, I always tense up.  But in general, I feel pretty safe.

Until yesterday's run in my parent's neighborhood.

I was just getting to this huge hill, and I knew I would need a lot of focus and attention to make it even 3/4 to the top without having to stop for a little walk break.  At the bottom of the hill is an old farm.  Just as I pass the farm, I hear this rustling in the leaves and I casually look over to see a rooster the worlds LARGEST rooster coming after me.

Yup, this looks like an accurate description of the cock.

He puffed himself up, CAME OUT OF HIS YARD, and started chasing my ass up the hill.  I shit you not.

There would be no "slow and steady, take it easy" up that hill, no sir.  That fucking rooster, hand to god, was on my heals chasing after me, sprinting as fast as I could, up the hill.  

And I never gained on him!  He was always right there.  

(Fact: roosters scare me a bit, because they have claws and beaks, and this one was the size of a small dog.)

I finally had to reach down and grab a rock and throw it at him, at which point he got the point.

I continued to sprint up the hill of death for a few more feet until I felt I was at safe distance to stop and keel over in agony. 

And that my friends, is how you do hill sprints.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Memphis by the Numbers

6 number of ribs consumed (this is an extremely pathetic attempt on my part;  I have been known to easily put back 20 ribs in a sitting.)

2 number of runs along the beautiful (and flat!) Mississippi Delta

1 number of times my travel wife and I sang "Walking in Memphis" while in fact walking in Memphis.

3 happy hour cocktails for less than $3

.25 Fishbowl cocktails consumed

1 number of homeless men who stole our fishbowl cocktail

3  number of cocktails purchased for me (I've still got it!)

4 number of ducks seen walking on a red carpet

1 late night trip to Denny's

1 cheeseburger flatbread purchased

3 minutes it took for 1 person to consume cheeseburger flatbread (I am hanging my head in shame)

2 number of aliases I had while out and about in in the city

12 hours of sleep needed to recover

(oh, and 1 conference actually attended)

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Why I Normally Do Not Wake up at 5 am...

You know how I can tell I am not a morning person?

This morning in my 5 am haze to get ready for my early morning flight, I grabbed my under eye gel in the dark and started to apply it.

Which is fine and dandy.

Until I realized it was peppermint lipgloss and not eye de-puffer gel.