Blue

I haven't posted in awhile because I am in a bit of a blue funk.  I'm feeling ick and blech and slightly depressed.  Which is odd, as it is SPRING and I should be feeling glorious from the sun, the the grass that is starting to turn green, the crocuses poking through the dirt.

But instead I am feeling like while the earth is getting a new start, I am falling behind.

I am unhappy with where my personal life is.  I am discouraged about where I am emotionally, physically, financially, and every other which way.  I cry at the gym.  I cry at the office.  I cry in bed.

I am trying to make the best of this time, this season of new beginnings, of joy, of fun, but I feel bogged down by everything that needs to get done to make me feel better.  

Gardens need to get cleaned out, lawns raked, runs ran.  I am feeling out of shape and frustrated with myself.  "Why am I not stronger?  Faster?  Leaner?" "Where is the time?"  "Where is the money?"

I need to take a vacation away with my husband to rejuvenate.  To get a perspective and come up with a game plan for what I want, what we want.  But I know that even taking 4 days off from our life means we will fall even further behind.  Let alone the fact that we have about 17 spare dollars to our name and our time is fully booked almost straight through to the middle of June.

It seems as though there is nothing in my life I am able to control right now.  And I hate not being in control.

I feel like I am drowning (if I said "in my own tears" would you gag?  I would.) and until I'm on solid ground again, posts will either be far and few between or just as boring to read as this one.

Hopefully I will be up to cracking jokes or regaling the world with stories of my boring adventures soon enough.

Until then, happy Friday, lambs.