Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Selfies

You have to be living in a cave right now to not notice the influx of selfies all over the internets.  They are blowing up my instagram and my facebook (and I reckon that if I had a twitter account they would be showing all up over there as well).

And I have to tell you, selfies are tough to get right.  98% of the time that I see them (even from the ladies I love) I hate them.  

Here are some tips to stop pissing me (and I think the rest of the world?) off:

-no duck faces
-no kissy faces
-stop trying to be creative with your shit; no weird/upside down angles
-stop taking pictures in the mirror
-stop taking pictures in the car
-stop emphasizing your tits
-stop trying to look so smart or like you are concentrating
-and for the rare teenage boy that I see selfies for, stop lifting your shirt and showing off your stomach
-JUST STOP

Look, if you post more than one selfie a week then you are likely going to have one less friend of follower.  Just calm your tits.  Nobody likes looking at you that much.  Stop loving on yourself.  Do you think you are going to be the next kid on instagram who takes pictures of themselves and somehow (how!??!?!) gets 1300 followers?  Do you even want 1300 followers on your instagram?  keep that shit private.

But even with all that said, I do have a few friends who are pulling off miracles  by taking the worlds greatest selfies.

Swoon.  And yes, ladies, she makes her own earrings!  Follow her on instagram to see her newest pieces!



How am I so lucky to know this goddess?!


LIA IS PERFECT.

My friends are supermodels, and have all mastered the craft of selfies. (And none of them overwhelm my social media accounts with pictures of them.  Praise Jesus.)

I am not sure how they have perfected this sorcery, because when I try to take a selfie it is just really embarrassing.

Let me show you.


Moral of the story:
1) stop taking selfies, you likely look really foolish/skanky/dumb
2) my friends are perfect
3) I am the most awkward human being on the planet

Peace out cub scouts.

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