Granny without a doubt

You know how I have the body of a 97 year old?  And how I have a blog appropriately titled "Shauni is a Granny: Tales of a 25 year old (antacid poppin') granny?"  Well, in case you forgot, I just wanted to remind you.

Not only am I being tested for thyroid problems (always cold), and not only do I have Acid Reflux Disease and high blood pressure, but my eye doctor told me this week that I have early stages of cataracts.

CATARACTS.

Let me remind you that I am 26 years old.

Completely bewildered,
Your 26-year-old Bubbie

Uh-oh

It's no secret that I hate living back in the upper valley.  I thought moving back here would solve all of my problems and I would be happy again.


Guess again.


The upper valley region sucks.  While it is nice to be near family again, we have no friends here, and family can get overwhelming sometimes. (Gasp!  Shocking, I know.)  And everything is so...stuck in it's redneck, naive, unworldly ways.  Sure, it is beautiful here, and there are some gems and not everyone is redneck and naive and unworldly.  But in general, the sense I get when I drive down 12A in West Lebanon is...horrible.  I hate looking at our "bursting metropolis" and seeing BK Lounge and McDonalds.  And PizzaHut.  And a mall with 9 stores in it.


And living out west, though there was very little in my town, we were a short drive away from lovely Reno, Nevada (sarcasm) where there were movie theaters, Sacs Off 5th, Old Navy, Sephora, etc.  And I miss it.  (Somewhere in downtown Reno, an Elvis impersonator is laughing at my expense right now.)


The other day, I received a text from my dear friend Bryony, mother to my goddaughter Olive, who is in the process of moving to Boone, North Carolina.  This is what the text read:


"Come live in the mountains in Boone!  Super awesome town, tons of rural farm land with cheap houses right outside, and ski resorts all over!  Plus, Olive lives there!"


I quickly brushed it off and just shook my head.  Me?  North Carolina?  Never.


But she kept texting.  And finally I mentioned to Mr. G that Bryony and Joe and Olive said we should move to Boone, NC.  Mr. G gave me a death stare that said "hell no."  And then he said, "Hell no."


But now I have Boone on the brain.  So I started doing some research, and this is what I found:

The Town of Boone is a university town in Watauga County, atop the Appalachian Mountains of North Carolina and serves as the county seat and market town. 

The Town of Boone was incorporated in 1872 and its current population is 14,813. Boone has the highest elevation (3,300 feet) of any town of its size (over 10,000 population) east of the Mississippi River. During summer, high temperatures in Boone are typically 76°F. Winters are colder with snowfall common.

Located off the beautiful Blue Ridge Parkway, Boone offers its residents and visitors a four-season playground for sports and outdoor activities. Boone is recognized by travel journalists as an "ultimate outdoor adventure destination" in the Southeast. It is also home to Appalachian State University, the Appalachian Regional Medical Center, scores of businesses, large and small as well as tourist attractions and a progressive school system consistently ranked for its excellence.

I have fallen in love.  

There are tons of restaurants and shops.  There are shopping malls and outlets near by.  There is skiing in the winter (hello, job security for Mr. G!) and mountain biking, hiking, and fishing in the summer.

And there are houses like this that are dirt cheap:

(So cute.  1 acre of land.  $179,000.  What the what?!?!)

And it is beautiful, with mountains, farm land, and rural goodness all around:

AND there is a cute little downtown area too:

All in all, now I want to move to Boone.  There is a cute, historic downtown area.  There are colleges there.  There is rural farmland and woods to explore.  There is also shopping and restaurants.  There are ski areas to employ Mr. G and likely something for me to do there as well.  People are outdoorsy and seem cool (this is a fact I state from the extensive research I have done and from the pictures I have seen on Google).  There is a great music scene.  And it is so affordable!  There is the hope that this will be the place I fall in love with and want to spend the rest of my life in.  That we will have friends.  That everything about this town will just be perfect and will complete me.

Now I just need to convince Mr. G.  And wait another year since we just renewed our lease.

Ready to hit the road,

Granny

Halp

Today, for what seemed like the first time in two weeks (oh wait, that's because it WAS the first time in two weeks...), it was sunny and warm.  It was gorgeous.

Of course, I was in my office all day, staring out at it, freezing as the AC in the building blasted down on me at a lovely 58 degrees.

((My feet are blue.))

All day I was thinking about the run I was going to go on after work.  The BBQ bison burgers we were going to make for dinner.  It is the only thing getting me through.

Welp, it's 5:01 and I am getting ready to leave.

And it is about to pour.

What's up, Murphy's Law?

Looking for my rain jacket...,
Bubbie

Way to go

Welp, we made it.  Sorry to the 97 of you out there that believed you were going to parish this weekend.

Happy to be alive,

Gran

Burn, baby, burn

Today I would like to introduce you to the newest member of the Goodwin household:

Gill the grill Goodwin

Despite the fact that it has been raining here since last weekend and that the forecast shows nothing but rain 'til kingdom come, I have done nothing but want to grill.

It is turning into a problem.

This is what our menu looks like for the next week:

• Grilled fish steaks
• BBQ chicken
• Grilled pork loin
• Fresh bruschetta pasta
• Buffalo burgers on the grill
• Homemade lobster raviolis in a brown butter sage sauce
• Grilled steaks

*please note that the two non-grilled items are both quick and easy pasta dinners.  I love carbs, so sue me.

Gerren is already worried about the propane we will burn through this summer.  But I NEED to grill.  In lovely Truckee-Town, California, USA, we did not have a grill.  Two years with no grilled meats.  No grilled asparagus.  No BBQ scents wafting through the air...

I was, quite frankly, heartbroken.  And I have to make up for lost time.

Already lickin' my chops,

Bubbie

I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog too

Once you get married, the pressure of having babies really starts.

"Do you guys want to have kids?"

"When are you two going to start trying to get pregnant?"

Or if you are like my mother or my inlaws:

"We're not going to be around forever you know!  Get going!"

And it's bullshit.  BULL SHIT I TELL YOU.

Don't get me wrong.  Mr. G and I want to have a small (ie, the two of us, 1 perfect child, and one perfect golden doodle), family some day.  And to be honest, that "someday" is probably not as far in the future as I might like (read: I don't want to have a kid for 2378729 years).  But for now, as much as I love a little baby in my arms, all curled up and sweet and coo-ey, and as much as I love the adorableness of the worlds cutest almost-2-year-old goddaughter, and as much fun as I have with my little 7 year old friend Suka, NO THANKS, I CHOSE MYSELF.  And to be honest, kids wear me out.  I get bored.  Kids are dirty.  I don't generally like them. (Again, the exceptions to this rule are: all infants, all fat babies like baby Jack, Suka, my goddaughter Olive, and any and all children related to me and Mr. G.  They are all good.)

My married friends all around me are going and getting knocked up.  And if they are not peeing on sticks yet, they are all TRYNG to get knocked up.  (Disclaimer, Mr. G and I are good at the "trying" part.  We just have a barrier between us so none of his little swimmers get close to my little eggs.)  I am so happy for all of my friends.  And the excitement and joy I see in their faces makes me well up with happiness.  So much so that I almost want to be a mom myself.  Almost.

Except not really.  

Let me list some things I would rather do than have a baby right now or reasons why I really shouldn't be with child:

• I love to sleep
• I love wine
• I still have 25 pounds to lose
• I will be that REALLY overweight pregnant woman, not a cute pregnant woman
• Stretch marks
• I want to travel to places without a child tagging along
• I like to take baths and read a book for a good 45 minutes without interruption or guilt
• I want to spend my money on me and Mr. G
• What money?  We are broke...
• I would rather lay on the beach and read a book and just talk to my friends (aka, Mr. G) than keep my eye on a kid running towards the water
• I would rather buy myself a bedroom set than by one for a baby
• I don't get paid to be a mom
• I don't want to get peed on
• 2 am feedings and changings sound horrible
• Labor?!?!?!
• I want to bake when I want to bake
• I want to run when I want to run
• I want to read when I want to read
• I want to do ANYTHING when I want to do it

While I question the sanity of all of my young friends who have children, I do understand the desire, love, and need to be a momma.  I want to be one.  Someday.  But for now, I will continue on my selfish path while I can, and I will just coo at the rest of ya'lls little [whiny, dirty, annoying, loud, crying, peeing, pooping, boring, repetitive, exhausting] bundles of joy.

Not quite ready,

Grams

Soggy

What the fuck.

Signed,

Pissed off Granny