"Do you guys want to have kids?"
"When are you two going to start trying to get pregnant?"
Or if you are like my mother or my inlaws:
"We're not going to be around forever you know! Get going!"
And it's bullshit. BULL SHIT I TELL YOU.
Don't get me wrong. Mr. G and I want to have a small (ie, the two of us, 1 perfect child, and one perfect golden doodle), family some day. And to be honest, that "someday" is probably not as far in the future as I might like (read: I don't want to have a kid for 2378729 years). But for now, as much as I love a little baby in my arms, all curled up and sweet and coo-ey, and as much as I love the adorableness of the worlds cutest almost-2-year-old goddaughter, and as much fun as I have with my little 7 year old friend Suka, NO THANKS, I CHOSE MYSELF. And to be honest, kids wear me out. I get bored. Kids are dirty. I don't generally like them. (Again, the exceptions to this rule are: all infants, all fat babies like baby Jack, Suka, my goddaughter Olive, and any and all children related to me and Mr. G. They are all good.)
My married friends all around me are going and getting knocked up. And if they are not peeing on sticks yet, they are all TRYNG to get knocked up. (Disclaimer, Mr. G and I are good at the "trying" part. We just have a barrier between us so none of his little swimmers get close to my little eggs.) I am so happy for all of my friends. And the excitement and joy I see in their faces makes me well up with happiness. So much so that I almost want to be a mom myself. Almost.
Except not really.
Let me list some things I would rather do than have a baby right now or reasons why I really shouldn't be with child:
- I love to sleep
- I love wine
- I still have 25 pounds to lose
- I will be that REALLY overweight pregnant woman, not a cute pregnant woman
- Stretch marks
- I want to travel to places without a child tagging along
- I like to take baths and read a book for a good 45 minutes without interruption or guilt
- I want to spend my money on me and Mr. G
- What money? We are broke...
- I would rather lay on the beach and read a book and just talk to my friends (aka, Mr. G) than keep my eye on a kid running towards the water
- I would rather buy myself a bedroom set than by one for a baby
- I don't get paid to be a mom
- I don't want to get peed on
- 2 am feedings and changings sound horrible
- I want to bake when I want to bake
- I want to run when I want to run
- I want to read when I want to read
- I want to do ANYTHING when I want to do it
While I question the sanity of all of my young friends who have children, I do understand the desire, love, and need to be a momma. I want to be one. Someday. But for now, I will continue on my selfish path while I can, and I will just coo at the rest of ya'lls little [whiny, dirty, annoying, loud, crying, peeing, pooping, boring, repetitive, exhausting] bundles of joy.
Not quite ready,