New Birth Control

Mr. G and I are smack dab in the middle of a ten day stint of watching my mom's dogs.  (Note, these dogs live with both of my parents, as they are happily married, but these dogs are 100% my mom's dogs.  They are crazy obsessed with her.)

Being the wonderful daughter I am, I told my mom that we would watch her two pups (Hobo and Olio) for the 10 days they went on vacation.  "How hard can it be?"  Thought I.  "Just two little lap dogs who don't really require much."

Fucking A.

Guess again.

These two, sweet, innocent, adorable, perfect dogs at my parents house are hellions at the Goodwin house I tell you.

And when I called my mom to complain all she said was "take care of them and just enjoy being with them!  They are angels and I miss them."

To which I replied "I am never watching your terror-dogs again.  They fucking suck."

Let's go back a little...

My mom has raised these two little boys to be completely dependent and obsessed with my mom.  The follow her to the bathroom, to the bedroom, they have their own couch, they eat her food, they won't go anywhere without her, they sleep with her, they sit by her side everywhere she is.  Please keep in mind that growing up my dogs were not allowed on furniture, up stairs what so ever, could not eat food at the table, etc.  Yet these two pups have been spoiled rotten.

When my mom dropped off the boys at our house last week she looked near tears.  She said it was harder to leave them with me for 10 days than it was to drop me off at college.  Thanks, mom. The dogs sat at the front door and cried for over an hour after she left.  It was heart breaking.  I felt so bad for the little buggers.

But it ended there.

These dogs are so needy.  Like little children.  "Pet me, touch me, never leave my side, feed me, walk me."  If we are sitting watching tv, the dogs MUST be up on the couch, sitting in our laps, actively being pet.  Otherwise it is just whining.

If we are cooking dinner, cleaning the house, making the bed, putting makeup on, showering, doing ANYTHING, the dogs are right next to us, staring at us with pathetic faces like "why don't you come down here and rub my tummy?"  And that is not it--they jump up on you, they whine, they scratch at you to stop what you are doing so you can play with them instead.  And their definition of playing?  Rolling over and having you rub their stomachs.

If we try to leave the house without the dogs, you know, for work and what not, they jump at the door assuming they are coming with you.  If you are trying to do anything that resembles going outside, the dogs run and bark and whine in circles around you until you agree to take them with you.

At bedtime, the damn dogs are up in bed waiting for you to join them.  No private time, no personal time.  And when we try to lock them out they just head-butt the door and bark until we let them in.

Starting at 6 am the dogs start licking your face to have you take them on their first of 7 daily walks.

Starting at 6:15 when our neighbors first start leaving for work the dogs start barking like crazy because they hear them outside.

All in all, Mr. G and I cannot wait to give the dogs back on Saturday.  To be fair, I think they would be better behaved if we were staying at their house and not ours.  But either way, Mr. G and I have decided not only do we not want lap dogs, pom-poos, or two dogs at once, but we have decided that we also really should wait to have kids.

If we can't handle two adult, house broken dogs, how are we going to handle one infant?

Lord give me strength for the rest of this week...

Granny