Embarrassment for Entertainment's Sake

I have had some slight writers block these last couple of weeks, but instead of going completely dark and just wrapping up shop, I thought I would share with you three old embarrassing stories to entertain you with this Friday morn.  Hopefully more blogging to come.

Here is to getting to know a whole new side of me.

 

1.

When I was a young teen I went camping with my summer camp.  This wasn't camping at a camp site, this was middle of the woods, nowhere to go, cooking over a fire camping.  It was raining (of course) and in the middle of the night I had to pee.  Since we were in the middle of the Massachusetts wood with not a bathroom to be found for miles, and it was cold raining, and because I never learned how to pee in the woods, I decided to take a cup (and my best friend and a flashlight) out into the woods to do my business.  I had on HUGE baggy sweatpants and I really didn't want to take them off to pee (it was cold and rainy and we were in the woods and I don't know how to pee if I am not on a toilet) and my 15 year old wisdom told me that I could pee into the cup while holding it IN my huge baggy sweatpants.  Just like when you pee into a cup at the doctors, right (minus the sweatpants part)? 

Except I was peeing into a DIXIE cup, which holds a total of about 2 ounces.  So of course my dixie cup started over flowing.  Into my pants.  Which made me laugh.  Which made me pee harder.  Which made me drop the dixie cup of urine.  In my pants.  And I kept on peeing.

It should also be noted that I was making out with a boy in my tent before all of this, and he was expecting me to come back and finish our makeout sesh.

2.

A couple of years ago we went to visit some of Mountain Man's old college friends.  Being that I am entering the golden years, I was exhausted as soon as the sun went down and decided to take a nap while the rest of the guys sat on the couch and shot the shit.  I made my self comfortable with my head on Mountain Man's lap and stretched out over the rest of the guys and swiftly fell asleep.

Only to be woken to the guys all laughing.

Because I had been farting in my sleep.

While laying on top of them all.

3.

When I first started my current job, my new coworker was giving me a tour of some offices.  We were climbing up a set of (very public) stairs and I tripped.  UP the stairs.  Already embarrassing, but then, instead of reaching out to grab, oh, I don't know, the railing, another step, etc, I reached up and grabbed my new coworkers butt to stop my fall.  We had known each other a grand total of five minutes and I was using her posterior to cushion my landing for falling up the stairs.

Happy Friday, y'all.