Wednesday, November 10, 2010


 Etiquette is an important part of society.  And most sane people agree on what is good etiquette.  For example, we all know that saying fuck, shit, ball sack, and talking about poop in front of small children/old people/in public in general, is bad etiquette.  We all know not to spit our used gum out anywhere but the trashcan.  We agree that you should always try to say "please" and "thank you."  And most people would probably agree that it is bad etiquette to talk smack about someone else behind their back.  

Even though I know that I should be following good etiquette rules,  I have, on occasion, been known to forget about good etiquette and break these rules.  Just this week I dropped an F bomb when I thought I lost my ID when in line at the store to buy Mr. G some classy natty ice (he yelled at me).

However, there are some rules of etiquette that I never, ever, EVER break.  And you shouldn't either.  Let me outline them here.


1) Do not post chain messages about showing your support for the troops, your favorite nurse, your loving daughter, etc.  Nobody likes getting chain emails, right?  So why would we like to see chain Facebook statuses?  If you really cared about supporting out troops, then you would not just post it on Facebook, you would go and vote, at every election.  Or if you really loved a nurse, you would send money to some nurses foundations.  Or hug your daughter to prove you love her.  Just don't paste it on Facebook as your status.  It doesn't make it real, it just makes you look dumb.

2) NOBODY cares what you are doing today.  Sure, if it is something really exciting, fun, neat, post it.  I DO care if you are going skydiving, moving to Turkey, or you have something funny to say.  I don't care if you just took a shower, it was nice, the sun is shining, and now you are going to take a walk.  This is as boring to the world as watching paint dry.

3) I don't care how good looking you are, it is rarely ok to create entire Facebook albums dedicated to yourself or you and your significant other.  THE ONLY THREE EXCEPTIONS to this are: engagement photos, wedding photos, growing baby belly photos (yes, I know I am slightly biased here).  Albums of just yourself make you look self centered. Get over yourself.

4) If you are pregnant, do NOT update your Facebook status as you are getting ready to go into labor, you are in labor, or for gods sake, if you are actually pushing.  I have no problem with the "Little Benny is already the size of a watermelon.  holy crap the last 9 months flew by!" or "going to the hospital to have little Benny!" posts.  Or the "Little Benny was born on Sept. 1st and mom and baby are both happy and healthy" post.  I do not want to read about you dilating, the problems you are having with your baby not turning, the fact that labor is so hard, etc.  Not only is this pretty private stuff, but you need to be focusing on your well being and your babies well being.  And constantly updating Facebook should not even be a priority of yours at a time like this.  Just go have your baby.  (For the record, Ms. Jackie soon-to-be-Rachdorf, your Facebook status updates while pregnant and after have been spot on.  You are the epitome of the perfect pregnant poster.)

5) Here is a really bad one folks, but I think it mostly pertains to the younger kids out there.  Do not have conversations with your significant other on Facebook.  Have the decency to pick up the phone and talk to each other.  Do not post all over each others walls "i luv you!" "no, i LUV YOU! cant wait to see you  for our date" "me neither babe, it is going to be so fun, see you in 12 minutes."  What is even more disturbing is seeing arguments or people breaking up on Facebook: "i'm sorry, but i just can't do this anymore.  i love you, but we can't keep doing this""i know but you mean so much to me, this break is going to be really hard on me."  Just stop.  This is like nails scraping on a black board.

6) Do not abbreviate.  Just speak like a normal person.  "Cannot w8 2 c u 2nite 4 dnr!" is not english.  I don't even know what people who abbreviate are saying half the time.

7) Do not post cryptic "woe is me" Facebook statuses.  "I just wish this would all end,"  "oh my god, this is such big news, but don't ask me, i can't talk about it!" statuses are just making you out to look like an attention whore.  Desperate.  Just spill it already or don't post it at all.

8) This is the all time worse, I literally cringe (and then un-friend you) if I see these constant posts.  It is the opposite of class to post your drama with your significant other, friend, etc.  I cannot emphasize this enough.  If I see "damnit, how could he/she do this to me?  you didn't pay your child support this month, you crazy mother f8#&er!" I want to die.  If I see a status like that and then three days later (which is generally the case) I see a new status saying "I love you, I am so glad we worked this out. You are the best thing that ever happened to me" then I actually have a coronary and need resuscitation.   Do not air all of your dirty laundry in Facebook!  For the love of god and all things holy, just don't.

If you break any of these etiquette rules, I will have to talk smack about you behind your back (or worse, on my blog) and then I will have been forced to break one of the nationally known etiquette rules.  So just follow the simple 8 rules of good Facebook Etiquette as listed above and you will be all set.  Because no one ever wants to have a Granny talking smack about them behind their back.

Luv u 4 eva,



    I say FUCK loudly in public (and on the nets) way too much.

    Can't wait to chain mail your ass.

    Also, i luv u. c u in jnury 4 our d8. 3-wy ki$$-u me n alisn. s0 h0tt.

  2. You forgot a VERY important one.
    4b) Once you become a mother, please refrain from making all of your posts about the super new and exciting things that your baby does. I don't care if Benny is constipated, if his poo is green, if his umbilical cord falls off in the bath, if he can pee 10 foot in the air or if his projective vomit can go 15 feet high or across and smells like roses.