Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Mr. G is away this week at a conference.  Below, I have assembled a list of the pros and cons of the Mr. being away and me being at home by myself.

Pro: I can control the TV (ie, "Weeds" episode after episode).
Con: I have to sleep alone in the house.

Pro: I can make all sorts of interesting foods for dinner (Indian food!  Chicken burgers!  Just plain green beans with lemon and feta!)
Con: No big, strong Mr. G to open jars for me.

Pro: I can wear sweats all the time and not get picked on.
Con: I have to sleep alone in the house.

Pro: I don't have to shave my legs for a week.
Con: I'm clearly not getting any for a week.

Pro: The house is always clean
Con: I have to sleep alone in the house.

As you can see, I hate sleeping alone.  It is not a matter of sleeping alone in a bed.  Our bed is so big that we are in different zip codes at night anyway.  It is a matter of another presence in the house that I am missing.  And I am a big scared-y cat.  Every sound I hear I think it is a serial killer comin' to a get me.  And it is all my mom's fault, because ever since I was a little girl and my dad would go away, my mom would move furniture to block the doors and windows to make sure nobody could break in and attack us women (please note, we lived in the middle of nowhere.  There has not been a home invasion since 1917).

I think I need a shrink.

Especially if said shrink could come spend the night and sleep in the guest room while Mr. G is away so that way I am not scared.  Until that happens, I will just keep sleeping with every door locked and every.light.we.own turned on all night.

Honey, come home.  We can't afford an electric bill like this.

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