Summer Lovin'

I love summer.  Really, I do.  This post is not a complaint about summer (per say).  In fact, I wish summer would stop being bashful and show up for more than 3 days at a time in the middle of the week (when I am cooped up inside at work).  COME ON, SUMMER!  I WELCOME YOU!

However, there is one small downfall to the longer days.

And that is the fucking morning sun and chirping birds both offending my sleeping senses starting at the motherfuckingasscrack of dawn.  5 am is far too early for this shit.  Please go away and do not return until 6:15, thank you very much.

(But once it hits 6:15 am, I would like you to shine in all of your glory until 8:30 pm, at a steady temperature of 75-85 degrees with a slight breeze and thrice weekly, though never on weekends, thunderstorms that last for 30 minutes and that is it.)

Is that too much to ask??
-Granny

It's about time

Have you heard the great news?  Gay marriage was passed in New York over the weekend.  Late Friday night.  Instantly my phone was buzzing, calls were made, cheers were shouted.  And that was just me in my little hotel room in good old Massachusetts.  In New York it was ever cooler.

And how perfect that this bill was passed during Pride weekend!  I would have loved to be in NYC with my sister and her friends marching down the street watching the parades.  I am so beyond thrilled that this bill was passed and thousands of Americans can now take advantage of one of their basic human rights.

However, I am still pissed.  Very, very pissed.

Why is this a voting issue at all?  How come I can vote on what someone else wants to do, if that something else is not causing harm to anyone?  How come gay marriage is not 100% legal?  Why oh why are we still talking about this, fighting for this, working for this?  HOW IS THIS, IN THE YEAR 2011, STILL EVEN AN ISSUE???  You love someone enough, you marry them (if you want).  End of story.  Nothing should stop you.

Gay marriage is hurting NO ONE.  Not a soul.  To the religious, conservative, ASSHOLES out there who will not let my friends, my relatives, my sister marry the people that they want, tell me, HOW WILL THIS HURT YOU?  How will my neighbor marrying her girlfriend hurt YOU personally.  Or our economy?  Or anyone at all?  Because gay marriage hurts the sanctity of marriage?  WHAT ABOUT DIVORCE??  

Because children need two positive, heterosexual role models in their lives?  Seems to me, children from broken homes with divorce have it much worse than children from homes with two loving dads.  Are you afraid that gay parents are going to raise gay babies?  I think Tina Fey explained it best when she said "gay people are not trying to convert you, that's Jehovah's witnesses you are thinking of."  Do you feel that because the bible says something about a man and a woman that we must live our lives 100% by the bible?  I've got news for you--the bible is a book, not a fucking law.

This should not even be something that is a hot topic in politics right now.  We are still at war.  We are at the ends of a recession.  We have to find jobs for Americans.  We need to find better ways to teach our children, improve upon healthcare, deal with illegal immigration...the list goes on.  If gay marriage, such a simple, easy, HARMLESS thing was legal on a national level and not a debatable issue, then our politicians could focus on these larger issues at hand.  Come on, let the gays marry so you can go figure out how to deal with Libya.  Jesus, it just doesn't compute for me.

I know, I need to be happy for the victory in New York.  And be proud that I live in a state where gay marriage has been legal for quite some time now.  And I am happy for these reasons.  But that happiness just wakes the angry beast inside of me that wants to go rip off the heads of any PRICK who doesn't want gay marriage to be legal.  To those pricks, I saw to you, FUCK YOU, and FUCK YOUR HATE.  

Legalize gay marriage NOW, on a national level, and let's get the fuck on with it.

Pissed off Granny

Lord help me

This weekend Mr. G and I are forgetting that we are 78 for a few day and we are headed on a little adventure.  We are going white water rafting and spending the weekend in the Berkshires.

(Side note: I am slightly terrified.)

If any of you have seen the terribly funny, somewhat cheesy movie "Without a Paddle" (yes, Seth Green is in it, it is that good), you might remember a line that goes something like this:

"I am a white water rafting river guide!"
"Really?  What class do you do?  IV?  V?"
"Try putting them together.  That's right, class 45."
"Go ahead, lie to me."

It is important to note that "Without a Paddle," as cheesy as it may be, is one of our favorite movies.  We may or may not own it (hint: we definitely do).

It is also important to note that Mr. G's favorite lines from the movie may look a little familiar:

"I am a white water rafting river guide!"
"Really?  What class do you do?  IV?  V?"
"Try putting them together.  That's right, class 45."
"Go ahead, lie to me."

With that said, every time Mr. G and I start talking about our trip this weekend, whether it is about the drive down, the hotel we will be staying at, what we need to wear, or inevitably what we will be eating on this trip (duh), Mr. G somehow manages to bring it back to the rapids we will be hitting, and he starts in with his favorite quote:

"I am a white water rafting river guide!"
"Really?  What class do you do?  IV?  V?"
"Try putting them together.  That's right, class 45."
"Go ahead, lie to me."

I have already heard this quote 31 times since we booked the trip.  And I have a feeling  I will be hearing it at least a few more times between now and Saturday.

If I live through the class 45 rapids I will be back to tell you all about it next week.

Peace out, cub scouts,
Granny

Tis the season

I thought last summer was hectic, what with moving from California to Vermont and planning our wedding and all.  But that was nothing.  I have realized that while we were in fact busy last summer, we were not so much busy as we were, say, broke.  Being broke makes you dread every event you have, it makes you stressed, and it makes it seem like there is far more going on because every beloved penny you earn goes to  some wedding, some gift, some decorations for your own wedding, etc.

But this summer, now that we are not completely, 100% broke (only 50% broke), I am aware of how much we have planned for this summer.  And I am quite excited about it!

Four weddings, one couples shower, two bachelorette parties (and one bachelor party for Mr. G).  Which leads to at least one shopping spree.  A fourth of July Tubing the River Extravaganza regardless of whether any of our friends come join us or not.  A white water rafting trip.  A 10K fundraiser (want to donate?  Here is how: Prouty 2011).  A dream vacation to the Florida Keys.  A bluegrass concert.  Two country fairs.  Some yard-saling.  A new truck.  And as many BBQ's and beach days as we can squeeze in.

It is going to be a busy summer, and we are still not doing some of the big ticket things we really wanted to do (go visit sissy-poo in the big city, go to a Sox game).  But now that we have a *little* more cash in our pockets this year (note: I consider any amount over $200 at any given time in our bank account "not broke"), we can actually enjoy all of our activities without being stressed, anxious, or nervous.

Now if only we had the money to refurnish our rental....

Happy (almost) Summer!
Gran

HAGKFJAODISFOEGNKFADJFKDSAJFK!!!!!

We will be in PARADISE in 2 months, 3 weeks, 3 days, and 2 hours from now with the DANGELICOS!

But who is really counting?

WEEEEE!

Overly Excited Bubbie

You know you're a granny when...

• Your new glasses are 3/4 of an inch thick.  They are thicker than the Woody Allen inspired chunky frame you selected.  And let's not forget the cataracts...
• You take an impressive handful of pills every night before bed.  You take an equally impressive handful every morning.

• You sleep with a heating pad at night for your aching back.
• You bath in BioFreeze at night for your aching back.
• You make your husband turn the music down in the house when you are cleaning because having it remotely loud is too much for you.
• You have heartburn at 9 am.
• On Saturday night you are asleep by 8:30 pm.
• You are impressed with the fact that you can run a ten minute mile on a good day.
• You go to a party (for the first time in MONTHS) and fall asleep in the middle of it by 10:30 pm, next to someone's stinky lap, on a dirty couch, without regard for anyone or anything except for your tired soul.

• You only wake up at said party due to all of the guys laughing at you because you farted in your sleep.  And once you are awake and aware of what you did, you don't give a shit, because with your old age and wisdom, you know that everyone farts.  You roll over and go back to bed.

Those are the realizations I came to this weekend.  I am most certainly, a 26 year old, antacid poppin' granny.

Owning up to my name,

Bubbie

TABHD

Do you have a phrase, and inside joke, something you share privately with a dear friend?  Something you might say that only you two understand, that makes you giggle or laugh out loud?  Something that just connects you two?

I don't have that, really.

But I have something close.  And today I am going to fill you in.

You have all heard of The Pioneer Woman, right?  If not, check her out, she is quite funny.  And though I know many people across the globe read P.Dubs confessions and stories, I have a connection with one friend over one particular phrase that P.Dub has mentioned before.  It is OUR phrase.  This phrase is used daily by me and my  dear friend, who for security reasons I will call Liam.  It is a phrase so important in our daily rhetoric that I cannot imagine talking to Liam without at least one of us using the phrase.

Turkey Ass Butt Hell Damn.

That's right.  You read that correctly.

Turkey

Ass

Butt

Hell

Dam(n)

Say it together.  Turkey. Ass. Butt.  Hell.  Damn.  Say it quickly.  Turkeyassbutthelldamn.  Say it with gusto, say it with pride.  Sometimes you only need to say Turkey Ass because whatever it is you are talking about does not require the phrase in it's entirety.  But usually, it does.

Some conversations when TABHD is likely to be used between Liam and myself:

L: Turkey ass butt hell damn, someone else just got the job over me.

S: son of a turkey ass butt hell, NOT FAIR.

L: I just want to sleep all day

S: turkey ass butt hell damn.  I just want that too.

L: Turkey ass, I have to go do some work now.

S: word up g funk.

etc.

Now you try it.  I bet you will find that it becomes an instrumental part of your life, and will really solidify a great relationship you have with someone else if you can use it together as often as possible.

Or maybe not.  Maybe that's just me and Liam.

But at least it's fun to say!

Turkey Ass Butt Hell Damn,

Granny

Party Animal

Twenty-somethings across the globe count down to Friday night.  They get dressed up, pour cocktails, play loud music, and get ready for a night out with their friends.

Not me.  And not Mr. G.  

Within 15 minutes of finishing our dinner on Friday night, we sat down on the couch to snuggle and watch a movie.  By 8:30 we were a tangled mess of limbs, sound asleep.  It was still light out.

We woke up at 9, huffed and puffed up the stairs, and were sound asleep in our bed by 9:07 pm.

That's Friday night living for ya.

Happy (?!) Monday,

Granny

Stuck

Do you ever feel like you are just stuck?  Stuck with your life, your job, your emotions, your everything?  No matter how hard you want a change, and improvement, anything, you are just stuck.  One step behind.

It is easy to fall into this "stuck-rut."  We see our friends and colleagues and we compare ourselves.  We drive descent cars, but they drive luxury cars.  We buy small bottles of grey goose, they buy HUGE ones.  We rent, they own.  We vacation once a year and it takes all of our savings, they vacation quarterly.  We own hand me down furniture, they own Pottery Barn.  We make $X a year and they make $XXX.

It is tough and discouraging.  It is hard not to give up.  It is hard not to say "why me?"  We both work hard, extremely hard, and sometimes it feels like we have nothing to show for it.  A crappy apartment?  A truck that breaks down all the time?  Barely enough money to buy our vacation tickets?  It is hard to get excited over those "prizes" that we have earned.  We want to be up there with our friends.  We want to feel like the money we are earning from our hard work is going in to things we want, not just bills and necessities.  

I know we are not alone in feeling this.  But it sure feels like we are in a dark and shitty situation that is worse than everyone else's when we go to buy our vacation tickets and then BOOM, the prices of airfare have jumped significantly, and oh wait, Mr. G's truck brakes broke.  Now we have to wait for another paycheck to come in before we finalize our vacation plans.  It just isn't fair, and when it rains, it pours.

However low we may feel, we need to stop and see the bigger picture.  Sure, we may not be laying on a yacht in the Caribbean.  We may not be as good looking as you, as wealthy as you, as skinny as you, or as funny as you.  But we have our crappy, two level apartment with a working bathtub and a dishwasher.  We have a grill and a patio set.  We are going on a week long vacation this summer.  We have been to 42 states.  We are both healthy and employed.  Mr. G can relax in his kayak on the lake after work.  I can smell the smells of summer and taste the delicious foods from the farmers market.

And we have each other.  The love and support, the kisses and hugs.  The sighs and the laughs.  The hope for a brighter future.

They may seem like simple things, but we have them and we appreciate them.

Thanks for listening,

Defeated