Thursday, August 11, 2011


Ladies, this post is for you.

You know how we as women tend to constantly feel the need to look cute/pretty/sexy/good?  It's not like we ever want to leave the house looking blah (though if you know me, you know this is how I do generally leave the house).  You want people to look at you and not think to themselves "what an ugly blob."  Which is why we wear tight clothes, spend tons on makeup and hair products, wear heels?  We want to look and feel our best.

And for most people this feeling continues on vacation.  Women bring sexy dresses and heels to the beach. They bring their curling irons, makeup, 13 pairs of shoes, 7 pairs of pants, etc.  I always threw in at least 6 outfits more than necessary for a vacation because I just needed to have options for any and all occasions on my vacation.

And then my granny status took over my life.

Now on vacation, I want to take a break from all of the stressors in my life.  And that includes dressing up (which again, I minimally do anyway).  So when I leave for vacation in the Keys in two and a half weeks I *might* bring one cute outfit to wear (jeans and a tank top and cute cardigan, real fancy, I know), but the rest will consist of: 2 black identical bathing suits, 3 (really old, ratty) sun dresses to wear over bathing suits not only to the beach but to town as well, 2 semi-decent other dresses or skirts to wear when not at the beach, 1 pair of capris, 4 tees and tanks to easily match the skirts and capris, sweats to wear in our house, run clothes.  There will be 2 pairs of flip flops.  No heels.  No hair products (let's be real, I don't own a curling iron, curlers, a hairbrush even.  I own 1 hair dryer and that is it.  Shocking, I know.)  I will bring deodorant and sunscreen for my skin care routine.

I want to look good on vacation.  It's not like I want to look like like the ugly mother fucker I am at heart.  But I just don't have the money, body or energy to be wearing white jeans and a pretty tunic on top.  Or lovely sundresses that cost $100.  And I think it looks out of place to see a woman in a fancy dress and heels at the beach (cute dress with wedges I can understand. But I don't have either of those things, nor do I have the money to buy them, so tough shit for me).  I want to look beach casual, surfer chic.  But I don't care enough to put any energy in it (again, if I had the money and the body it might make it easier for me to have the energy to pull together a classic and chic beach look).

So I will be that ugly blob walking around on my vacation in flip flops, a comfy cotton skirt, and an ill fitting ugly tank top on over my plain jane and ugly bathing suit.  And I will be walking around with my hair in a ponytail.  And if you are lucky I will have some lipgloss and mascara on.  And I don't give two shits.  I will be relaxed, comfortable and having fun.  But I will be ugly.  Just be forewarned.

Love your Fugly (but relaxed) granny


  1. you will be the envy of every girl sweating her making off, watching her hair become the size of a beach ball, sucking everything in--including heels which were created by the devil himself. Easy breezy!

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