Depression Confession

No, I do not have a real mental disorder.

But...

I know that Friday Night Lights has been off the air for awhile now.  And that people loved that show starting way back in 2006.  But I am always behind the bandwagon and did not start watching that shit until October.

After episode one I was hooked.

After season one I was already depressed thinking about the series being over.

"Only 4 more seasons to watch.  How depressing."

Over the last few months I have watched this show on a regular basis (bless your heart, Netflix) and fallen in love with the characters.

No, really.

I forget that the actors are just acting and that Matt Saracen is not real and that he is not my BFF.

I forget that Tim and Billy Riggins are not the bad -boys-trying-to-make-good in my small Texas town. (Forget about the fact that I do not live anywhere near Dillon, Texas...) (And Forget about the fact that Tim Riggins is my boyfriend on the side.)

I forget the the Taylors are not my parents/greatest friends and that we do not in fact live with them in their little house in Dillon, Texas drinking white wine with them on the reg.

As you can see, I got quite involved with the show.  To say I love it is an understatement.

Obsessed might be more accurate.

Crazy might be even better.

So when I was finishing up season five last week, it is no surprise that I slipped into a depression and I have not yet come out.

With three episodes left to go, I started tearing up.  I would be in the kitchen and something would remind me of my BFF Matt (and his BFF Landry) and I would just start crying.

"WHY IS MATT NOT GOING TO BE IN MY LIFE ANYMORE?!" I would wail to Mr. G.

"I DON'T WANT TO LIVE WITHOUT THE TAYLORS!" I would sob.

"NO MORE TIM RIGGINS?!?!?!?"

This is not a joke.  I really did start crying regularly when I would think about the 200 minutes that were left of FNL.  200 minutes.  

200.

minutes.

I was in no way ready for my relationship with my fake, fictional friends to end.

It has been a few days since I finally had to say goodbye to my favorite fictional friends and I am still not over it.

This morning I was driving by a football field and I obviously started thinking about Coach and Mrs. Coach, Matt and Julie, Tim and Billy, and while driving in to work I just teared right up again.

"Why aren't they real??!!"

Just googling mages for this post, I got heart palpitations looking at the wall full of FNL images.

"Why don't I live in Dillon with the FNL characters??!!"

All I want to do is have FNL continue on for infinity.  Is that too much to ask?

Clear eyes.  Full hearts.  Can't lose.

Still sobbing,

Bubbie